Fear of God in Me

x=posted on my personal journal.



I'm still a little shaken from this evening.



Tom and I went to L&B for dinner tonight. We got back to my place, and started to settle in for the evening. I turned on the television and found "Seven Year Itch" with Marilyn Monroe and he was on the computer. All of sudden he needed to lay down. He was getting a numbing sensation in his arms and then it progressed to his legs and feet. He was extremely uncomfortable and had me very nervous. So I called our friend Drew, who is also a member of BRAVO, (the volunteer ambulance service in our neighborhood). He suggested going to the hospital and getting checked out. So I asked him to come with the crew. After a slight miscommunication, (he went to Tom's house instead of mine) they got here and checked him out. While they were enroute to us, Tom's mom called; he explained the situation and both his parents came as well. As soon as Drew got here, he could see, how nervous and upset I was. He just kept looking at me as if to say "calm down." It was decided by Tom, his parents and the EMTs that Tom should go to the hospital as a precaution. Tom's dad works at an excellent hospital in the city, so the four of us drove in there.



His dad called in advance to let the staff know we were coming in. The whole ride there, I was abnormally quiet. I was so nervous. He seemed so uncomfortable and I felt so bad. As we waited to be seen, which wasn't very long at all (it's good to have connections!) all I could do was play out all the different scenerios in my head. The worst and best case. I was getting all geared up, if he was admitted, to call a few friends and ask to stay with them in the city or to camp out in the waiting room. Because there was seriously no way I was going to be more than 15 mins. away from him. During his examination, his parents went to sit in the waiting area, which wasn't more than 15 feet away, but I couldnt bring myself to even go that far. I just stood outside the door and waited. After his examination, the resident said it wasn't an emergency and that he should see a specialist on Monday. Everyone, especially Tom seemed okay with this and we decided to leave. On the way home, Tom and I sat in the backseat and all I could do was hold him. And I think he saw how terrified I was because he held me just as tightly. I just now, 3 hours later am starting to breathe normally.



I was so scared. All I could see was this person who I love more than anything or anyone, in pain and I couldnt help. Ya'll are sitting there and saying "it was just a lil numbness, no biggie." I left an important part of the story out. Last night, he called me at about 1am, complaining of chest pain. That he wasn't feeling right. So put the chest pain and the numbness in the arm together and you can see my fear.



When we got back here, all I could do was hold him still. I kept kissing his forehead, rubbing his head, holding him close. I teased him a little just so I could see his smile. This person has become my world in 9 months and all I could do was be scared that I was going to lose him so soon. We have our entire future mapped out.



I love you Thomas! Remember, one scare every 50 years... thats it. =)